Leaf, probably…

Blah. Just staple a box of tissues to my forehead and call me done. I’m so fucking exhausted from all the mucus producing and open mouth breathing that I’m ready for another nap.

Unfortunately napping is not possible today (hell, it shouldn’t have been possible yesterday…)

I was hoping to have the cold over with by this afternoon - just in time for Boxing class at the gym tonight, and Taekwon-Do on Thursday. Unfortunately it looks like I’ll be lucky if it’s all cleared up before Mexican Fiesta Friday at work.

*Sigh*

*Sneeze*

*Mucus*

*Sigh*

This morning instead of returning my mistakenly ordered ream of A3 pink paper to the stationary company, I cut it up into A4 size so that I wouldn’t have to phone them and organise a replacement. The call would have taken 5 minutes. Cutting up 500 sheets of paper took 1 hour. Do I regret it? Hell no.

We also had an office meeting for the first time in about a year. I had nothing to add, and none of the items were of any relevance to me, but it was really nice to know what is going on in the office for a change. It made me feel connected with my co-workers - something that seldom happens because my job is so different to everyone elses.

Louise and Karlie met up with me for lunch. It was nice to reconnect with friendly faces in the middle of the work day. Going back to work afterwards was a bit of a challenge though.

I always pause just as I reach the lobby, before I flash the security guard my ID card. In that moment I imagine turning on my heel and heading back out onto the street. Once out there I’d call my office and inform them that I’ve been in a car accident, or I’ve got food poisoning, or that I’ve been taken hostage by bank robbers, so I can’t come in to work for the rest of the day. Then I pull my ID card out of my bag, flash it to the security guard and head for the elevator back to my office.

One of these days I’m actually going to do it. The way I imagine the phone call going:

Him: Very Important Person’s office, Boss speaking.
Me: Boss, hi it’s Shannon here.
Him: Ah, Shannon, I was expecting you back in the office any moment now, what’s up?
Me: Well, you see, I’m just calling to let you know that I went to the chemists on my lunch break, and they had a toxic chemical scare.
Him: Oh no! Really? How… Improbable…
Me: So, the fire service showed up, along with a whole heap of police officers, and scientists of course.
Him: Of course… What would we do without the scientists.
Me: I know, right? Anyway, I’m stuck in decontamination while they investigate the scene to make sure it was just a false alarm. I don’t think I’m going to finish up here for a long time, so I’m not going to be in the office this arvo.
Him: Ah…
Me: Yeah.
Him: You know I can see you down there on the street right? My office looks right down to the entrance way there…
Me: Er. No you can’t that’s not me.
Him: Yes it is… Your jacket is very distinctive.
Me: Ah! Bank Robbers!
Him: I thought you were at a chemist?
…Dial Tone…

Last night I dreamed about sleeping, and having to wake up, and not feeling rested enough. Then I had to wake up, and I didn’t feel rested enough. I think when you reach the point where you’re even dreaming about sleeping, then perhaps it’s time to schedule a few more hours sleep in.

Today I reapplied with study link for a loan for my course costs for Semester 2 and 3, and I picked the courses I will be whining about for the next few months. After a bit of indecisiveness I went with a POLS course about institutions and policy process, and a INTP course about New Zealand in the world. I’m also signing myself up for a 300 level summer paper. The summer paper is a self directed study one, and I have absolutely no idea what it’s about, or what I’m expected to study over the Christmas break.

I have yet to ask my bosses permission for this lot, and it could get a little hairy because of my contract. I’m on an events based contract, and it’s highly likely that I will be losing my job later this year. From where I’m standing that’s not such a bad thing, as I’ve been desperately needing a job change for a while now (see: The Totally Awesome Job Fantasies that began to spring up a few months ago.) It also means I could find a new job with dramatically scaled back hours, and allow myself to finish uni as a full time student.

The only problem is getting my boss to agree to more study during a particularly prickly time of year. Oh well, I guess I’ll see how it goes.

I could always resign if he doesn’t agree (because as previously discussed study tops working on my list of priorities)  the only problem is getting the guts to do it. Once I’m settled into a job it takes a lot to get me to change… I really don’t like upheaval.

Wish me luck…

Shannon’s imaginary colleague comes across a pile of boxes outside the stationary room. Inside he/she can see Shannon wearing a newspaper hat, brandishing a ruler like a sword.

Imaginary Colleague: Hey Shannon, Cool newspaper pirate hat! Can I have one?

Shannon: No. It’s my conquering hat, and there’s no more newspaper left.

Imaginary Colleague: Oh… So what are you doing with all those boxes? It’s really hard to get into the stationary room with them all piled out here.

Shannon: I’m flirting with the idea of building a box wall and barricading myself in the stationary room. However it’s come to my attention that perhaps the kitchen might be a better room to annex.

Imaginary Colleague: Why’s that?

Shannon: Well for one thing, the kitchen’s got running water.

Imaginary Colleague: Right…

Shannon: …

Imaginary Colleague: … So listen can I get in there to use the photocopier?

Shannon: No. Leave now before I decide to extend the box wall to your office, minion.

Imaginary Colleague: I’ll just use the copier later.

Shannon thinks that the only real way to eat eggs is:
a) Poached.
b) Fried.
c) Omletticised.

Shannon thinks coffee:
a) Sounds like a good idea sometimes.
b) Sounds like a bad idea at all times.
c) May actually be the devil in disguise… Not a good disguise, but a disguise anyway.

Shannon prefers:
a) 8.00 am - the day is full of promise and sparkly stabby light.
b) 6.30pm - work is over and she’s at the gym or kicking things as hard as she can.
c) 11.00pm - most people are asleep, and the house is calm, dark and quiet.

Shannon secretly dreams about being:
a) a ballet dancer, a rock climber, a baker, an astronaut, and a jockey.
b) a wood carver, an astronaut, an actress, a heiress, and a baker.
c) a wood carver, a heiress, an actress, a spy, and an astronaut.
d) a rock climber, a ballet dancer, a spy, a wood carver, and a jockey.

___

I have a new pair of pants.

They are size 14, and the biggest pants I have ever tried to keep on my hips, and it’s not working particularly well. I shouldn’t be wearing them at all, but I stayed last night at Ben’s and I pretty much didn’t try them on before I decided they’d be perfect for work today.

The crotch is hanging down at mid-thigh, and I had to shorten the pants by a good 10 cm. With staples. Don’t tell my mother.

I am the most gangster person in the office today, which is something. Even the delivery guy has less baggy, saggy pants than I do. I’m resisting the urge to put my trainers back on, along with a pair of sunglasses, and a gang colour bandanna.

(I say resisting, but it’s really not that much of a struggle - the Security Guards would probably shoot me on sight if I wandered around wearing gang paraphernalia.)

(Whoa. Tangent..)

As a result this morning I’ve been holding my pants up with one hand, while browsing on TradeMe with the other, looking for a sewing machine…

I’m pretty sure that I’d be awesome at sewing if I had my own machine - despite the fact that I have broken every machine I have ever used. I’m going to blame those spectacular failures at choosing to do Wearable Arts with Cassandra two years in a row, and ‘extreme sewing.’ If it wasn’t for Caz my record would be fine, probably.

If I had my own sewing machine I could make a pair of soft PJ’s. And lots of skirts (because how much easier can you get than a simple skirt - it’s pretty much sewing one seam down the side, right?!). Also pretty dresses that make me look like a lean and mean size 10. And simple shirts.

Then, once I’m awesome at sewing (because that would only take a week or two right? I pick new things up quite quickly), I could learn to screen print. And then people would come up to me and ask where I got all my clothes, and I’d tell them I made them myself. Then they’ll give me many hundreds of dollars.

And you know what that would mean? That would mean I no longer have to wait to win Lotto in order to retire, and own a house on a beach, with a horse, and a puppy. I could buy it all myself. All because I brought a sewing machine off TradeMe today. I’m going to do it.

I wish I worked for BEACHRATED - a company which specialises in rating beaches around the world.

Beaches are selected by the location manager, and a team is sent out for a minimum of three days in order to run a gauntlet of highly specialised ratings tests. All team members are highly trained - even the interns, who’s main job responsibilities are to count rubbish bins, public loo’s, and picnic tables.

There’s the SPF Secretary who spends a lot of time on his or her stomach, reapplying sunblock and calculating figures and factors. In most cases the SPF Secretary is also the Equipment Manager, responsible for keeping track of jandals and beach towels.

The Wind Chill Coordinator is generally the egghead of the team. He or she has generally spent upwards of 5 years in university, learning to hold a giant beach umbrella at exaclty the right height and incline to catch every gust of wind in order to assess it.

And then there’s the Wave Strength Supervisor (WSS). Undoubtedly the leader of the team, and the worker with the most interesting job. The WSS stands up to knee deep in the surf and calls out wave ratings to the intern placed on the beach. The intern records the ratings, and does many calculations later in the office.

That’s the job I want. I dream about being a wave strength supervisor. I know the risks… The possibility of marine life attacks, freak waves, toe eating shark attacks, and wrinkly toe disease, but I also know the importance of the job.

I am willing to face the risk of deformed alien toes in order to keep the public safe from substandard mis-rated beaches.

BEACHRATED’s motto: If you’re bathing at a BEACHRATED 80.456 rated beach, you get the 80.456 experience - Guaranteed.

You’re with Shannon Steven, reporting from the Shannon’s Desk area.

It seems the traffic hold up in the ‘Semi Urgent Pile of Crap’ area has dissipated, and there is now little to no hold up on the northbound lanes.

The ‘Acknowledgements’ 50 document pile up is yet to be cleared. Reports from fire, police, and ambulance offices suggest that traffic may be restored to the far right lanes, on each side, in due course.

Shannon’s ‘Inbox’ and ‘Filing Tray’ have only a 5 minute hold up on each, and have been suggested as a good detour route for document commuters.

While it looks like road conditions are fining up all over the Shannon’s Desk area, do remember to stay alert for patches of light rain. The roads are still slippery out there from yesterdays deluge.

This has been Shannon Steven, presenting the traffic report for the Shannon’s Desk area. You’re listening to Office Boredom 92.8FM.

The post that follows is my account of what it’s like to work full time, while studying part time. I actually wrote this as a letter to a friend who was thinking about going back to uni part-time, and then proceeded to steal it from myself for this blog. (woo! recycling is the way of the future. Also plagiarism.)

Studying and working is hard, but it’s do-able:

You’ll have to be prepared to take a LONG run at it because you can’t do a full course load like everyone else. At the beginning of this year I nearly quit, because it was. All. So. Hard. And I wanted more time for ME. And hanging out with my friends. And a lunch break. But then I sat down and looked at my goals again, and decided that if anything goes it’s my workplace.

I think you have to be very prepared for the stress and having less time, and have your priorities straight. Decide what’s more important in life right now, and in the future. (It’s different for everyone.)

It helps to have your reasons, goals, and your hopes for study written down the whole way through. Otherwise you end up losing sight of the main goal.

And if you don’t have a goal, then why are you putting yourself through this again?? Trust me. It’s a question that I ask myself all the time, and a question you need to be able to answer.

Fitting it all in:

Generally I work 36 hours a week (I start at 8am, and don’t usually leave much before 5.30pm.) I attend classes for 6 hours a week. I also have insisted my boss give me an additional two hours a week for study, because despite what you think you’re going to do at home, or after you go to the gym, you never quite do it all.

It may sound like that’s too many hours to fit into a working day, but it all crams it’s way in there somehow. I don’t take lunch breaks or coffee breaks or anything like that… And I timetable everything. It helps my boss know where I am, and it helps me plan my day.

I’m lucky, I think, because my job doesn’t offer me nearly enough work to keep me interested for 40 hours a week. Also, for some perverse reason, I do more, better, when I’m working to a tight deadline, or under a wee bit of stress. (Of course I’m not talking crazy amounts of stress, all the time. It’s all about balance.)

Getting permission:

My manager was incredibly supportive - I think most bosses these days wouldn’t turn you down outright, especially if they have something to gain from it all. So your job is to make sure the boss knows what he’s going to gain out of it.

I initially went to my manager with the overall course I wanted to do, along with a breakdown of the individual classes I was considering. I even made up a proposed timetable for my first semester of study. It showed my classes, buses, and work hours.

I also worked out how much work I do, and had a long hard think about whether I could fit it all in. (In my case, YES. Because opening the mail and emptying the dishwasher does not take much longer than 2 hours.) (I do do more than that though.) I even made a timetable for that to show my boss.

(Seriously, I do more than whine about the dishwasher. I keep supplies in the office all stocked up. I manage databases, a good deal of the correspondence, and paperwork flowing into the office. Also I manage email accounts. Along with a whole lot of really odd jobs for everyone to help the whole place keep ticking over.)

Once I had my managers OK, I went to HR, and proposed the whole thing to them - and, trust me, they had jumped on the bandwagon before the HR woman even stepped foot in my office. HR pretty much WAS the bandwagon. They were so eager to help that they practically filled out all my forms for me and offered me all kinds of deals - like the one where they wanted to pay.

I haven’t taken them up on that offer yet, because I’m getting more and more hesitant to tie myself to this type of job for an unspecified number of years just to get my loan paid off fast. I’d rather be doing something that stretches me a bit more in the direction I’d like to be going.

Money pay checks and the whole shebang:

My boss contributes 4 hours a week to my paycheck as a study allowance. This year I’m working on a 40 hour salary, including that contribution.

Your workplace may not be so eager to throw money at you, but it’s worth asking anyway. Even if they don’t take you up on a study allowance you really don’t lose too much of your paycheck if you’re working the number of hours I am.

I could live without my study allowance, and on a few less hours (but it would suck a little bit.) Work out whether you can afford it and what your limits are, and be really honest with yourself. If you can’t make it work then maybe look at adding a living allowance to your student loan with studylink (if you’re paying your fees through them that is…)

Free time? What free time?

As for life outside of uni and work? It’s all about to get WAY scheduled.

You have to decide ahead of time when you’re going to the gym, or Taekwondo. When are you going to be at the library to study for all those tests? When are you going to socialise, and when are you going to see your BF?

Depending on the courses you do, there’ll be readings and stuff to do outside of classes, and I have yet to find a way to get through all of mine in a reasonable timeframe. Usually the lure of going to the gym, or meeting up with Ben to hang out wins out. It probably shouldn’t, and I should probably use my diary more, but hey, I’ve worked out that I need to go easy on myself sometimes, because if I’m not having at least a little bit of fun and free time then I get all moody, and tired, and stressed. That’s when the gym becomes my best friend. I seriously don’t know what I’d do without it some days…

Also? If there are dishes to do, or washing to fold? You better bet I’m there doing that, rather than doing my POLS readings. Like I should be.

And last but not lest… Exams, essays and assignments, oh my!

Your employer legally can’t make you work the day before an exam. Take advantage of that, because, dude, nobody says no to a bit of last minute studying. Not even Superman. And I’m so not Superman.

The worst thing about trying to cram as much into my schedule as I can is that sometimes I just don’t get enough time to feel fully prepared for everything. That’s why this year I insisted on two study hours - and then I made them so that they were before my two tutorials. It works better for me that way, because I’m already at uni, and I’m in the mood to study.

So far I’ve been lucky - I haven’t got a grade below a B- yet… I put that down to many (many, many) last minute study sessions, and attending all my tutes. They’re invaluable.

____

Any questions? Comments? Straight up outrage? Disbelief? Feel free to express it below…

Last night I got told off for being late to work (fair) and asked to take a more active interest in the state of the dishwasher. This leads me to Awesome Job Fantasy Number 5:

I work for a company named Future Incorporated. Future Inc. is one of those super revolutionary cool companys’, which pushes the boundaries, and places much emphasis on work/life balance, having a sustainable and eco-friendly outlook, and having a real sense of team throughout all levels of their organisation - even while they place catering for the individual above all else.

My colleagues and I wear comfortable casual to work (whatever than means for you, as an individual). The work-spaces are airy, open, and customised for you (as an individual). Work hours are set by your (individual) creative peaks.

Best of all, there is no dishwasher, because there is no kitchen. All food is taken care of by the company’s own cafeteria, where they serve healthy, wholesome food, in keeping with the company’s policy of providing a healthy well balanced work atmosphere.

 No one quite knows what the company does, mostly because the description is revolutionary, feel-good, and non-specific. (Future Inc. - it’s building a better world for tomorrow.)

The employees may not know exactly how they’re building a better future, or what their weekly report reflects exactly, or why they just got another pay rise, or even why having a pool table is helping productivity. One thing they do know, though, is that this company is going places!

I get paid to spend my afternoons napping on beds in a giant bed store. this is to show the customers just how comfortable the beds they sell really are. It’s not a big pay check, but the job satisfaction makes it worth it on my part - especially when you factor in that my morning job is to spend a few hours playing with all the dogs and puppies at the SPCA.  

The SPCA thing isn’t a paying job, but it’s one I don’t mind getting out of bed at 6.30am for. What could be better than playing fetch for 4 hours straight?